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Submitted on
June 18, 2010
Image Size
2.7 MB
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3309×3261
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Views
1,422
Favourites
42 (who?)
Comments
22

Camera Data

Make
Hewlett-Packard
Model
HP Photosmart E427
Shutter Speed
1/30 second
Aperture
F/3.5
Focal Length
7 mm
ISO Speed
100
Date Taken
Jan 16, 2010, 9:58:57 AM
×
I'm fine, I'm okay by funkygirl4ever95lit I'm fine, I'm okay by funkygirl4ever95lit
Poem and photo by me (Yes that's me)

Okay since I'm really new to this I don't know if I put it in the right category. Does this count as free verse poetry or prose instead of visual poetry?

Constructive critique appreciated =]

Inspired by Nothing's wrong
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:icondancing-at-midnight:
Dancing-At-Midnight Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I really love this.
Reply
:iconscarecrowsdarkangel:
ScarecrowsDarkAngel Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I like it. Its so very true for so many people and most of the time the people closest to them dont even notice. and you are very pretty :)
Reply
:iconxxnightingalesongxx:
XxNightingaleSongxX Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2010
I lie about what I'm going through so that I don't have to see my family and friends suffer. I keep my face blank of emotions, it's better that way.

I love you're poem. Very straight forward and beautiful.
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2011
I'm sorry to hear that. I understand exactly what you mean. That's what I used to do as well. Thankfully I am now feeling much better. Anyway, sorry for the late reply. I hope you are feeling better as well :hug: And thanks a lot for the comment :)
Reply
:iconxxnightingalesongxx:
XxNightingaleSongxX Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2011
As i said, it's better that way. :D If they see me in pain...they're in pain. :( that's why I do it. to keep them out of pain. You did? How did you get over it? It's okay!! I sorta am...I'm taking yoga classes and that will help with my disability.
:glomp: You're welcome!! ;)
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2011
I have sent you a note rather than replying here :)
Reply
:iconxxnightingalesongxx:
XxNightingaleSongxX Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2011
Cool. ^^
Reply
:icondarkelvenfaerie:
darkelvenfaerie Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2010
I would say it counts as visual poetry.
It is a poem that I think there are many out there that can relate to it.

Write to live...
Live to write..
Blessed Be.
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2010
okay thanks for telling me =]
I really hope so. I love it when people can relate! :D
Reply
:iconnekojeanette:
NekoJeanette Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010  Student General Artist
Yea... I know....
I think that i dont like saying how im feeling
cuz it hurts replying it a lot of times
so i prefer to lie >.>
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010
I know what you mean! This was really written after my own experiences. I just hate when people ask me how I am as if they already know the answer or telling me that I'm not okay like they know everything about me. I also hated when I finally told someone the truth and THEN they just ignored me. But I'm much better now finally ^.^ I hope you are too =]
Reply
:iconnekojeanette:
NekoJeanette Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010  Student General Artist
XD yea! :D we have so much in common ^^
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010
Lol yeah I guess we do :D :aww:
Reply
:iconbisnarkian:
BiSnarkian Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
The poem is well put, I think. I especially like the repetition of verse one with the nice tagline at the end - an excellent way to sum it up.

Minor potential corrections:
The colon at the end of 'what you don't know' is not needed. If this was prose it would be grammatically incorrect, and I'm guessing you added it for a pause effect - which the line break already creates.

Cos = 'Cause - You can use 'cos' if you really want to, but given the lack of similar slang throughout the poem, it feels out of place. I'd actually recommend using 'because' instead because it would continue the iambic rhythm the piece seems to contain.

"I am fine, I'm okay." - Admittedly, this line does keep the iambic rhythm, but it seems strange that the speaker uses the more formal 'I am fine' in the first response and the less formal 'I'm okay' in the second, especially given that the tone of the poem is not formal. Also, this change could add another element of repetition.

Also, your photo is lovely and compliments the poem nicely. Well done.

Good luck with your future writings!
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010
thank you very much for this critique! I finally know what was really bothering me; the 'I am fine' and then 'I'm okay'. It's much better now thanks to you :) You're a great critic. Thanks =]
Reply
:iconbisnarkian:
BiSnarkian Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010
You're welcome! I love the way it reads now.

[also, you spelled 'because' wrong in the new draft :) ]<i>
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010
That is really idiotic and practical of me lol. I'll fix it again. Thanks for telling me :)
Reply
:iconbisnarkian:
BiSnarkian Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010
It's okay - I do that all the time. You go to fix one thing and end up accidentally botching something else.
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010
Lol at least I'm not the only one. I'll have to remember to change it later cos either something's wrong with dA or my computer's really slow but deviations are taking really long to upload.
And thanks for the fav :D
Reply
:iconfreespirit69:
FreeSpirit69 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
i love the theme of the poem.. its so true!
and i love this picture
you are really pretty.
Reply
:iconfunkygirl4ever95lit:
funkygirl4ever95lit Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
thank you so so much :D xD :hug:
Reply
:iconfreespirit69:
FreeSpirit69 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome
:huggle:
Reply
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